Help! I’ve lost my muse.

My drunken slut of a muse up and disappeared on me about two months ago, and I haven’t been able to find her since. I have no idea what happened. Did we fight? Did I bother her with my incessant replay of Lana Del Rey while writing? Did she find her soulmate and wander off? I have no idea.

What I do know is it’s been really, really, hard to get into writing lately. Sure, I have projects. I joined Camp Nanowrimo with my Stealing Beauty publisher (*ahem* Deep Desires Press *ahem*) for our upcoming Coffee series, I’m trying to submit a novella for a Zombie-themed erotica anthology, and I’m working on Book 2 of the Fairy Tales After Dark series, Finders Keepers.

With the projects I have lined up and the looming deadlines, both pre-set and those I’ve set for myself, one would think the writing would just flow. If not from creativity, but from sheer fear of not getting them out in time.

NOTHING IS HELPING!

Lana is still keeping me company (by the way, have you all heard Lust for Life? OMG. Just constant repeat) but she isn’t able to bring my muse back. Maybe that little whore wants… I don’t know…. 30 Seconds to Mars. She is quite a fan of Jared Leto, both as himself and Mr. J.. My muse and I have that in common I guess.

I get such energy from nature, and I’ve been feeling great lately…. just not creative.The weather is gorgeous; the perfect balance of warm sun and breeze, without making you want to shed your clothes – in the not fun way.  But nope. She’s not where she should be – on my deck, with her sunglasses, sipping a martini as she works her magic.

I’ve been reading novel after novel, night after night, trying to get inspiration. Nothing. I either hate the books I’ve been reading, or they’re so far outside the erotica genre it doesn’t spark anything. It’s like she’s laughing at my frustration.

Oh… and the little bitch teases me, too!

I have ideas. Lots of them. At all sorts of times. I’ll have an idea while driving, or at the supermarket, or even that one time at work when I should have been paying attention in the meeting yet somehow began to imagine the sexy motorcycle ride my Ali and Jayla (Finders Keepers) are going to take. I’ll normally voice record the ideas quickly to not lose them, but once I get home, sit down, and begin to type…. nothing. The scene I literally wrote, word for word, on my drive home from work disappeared once I sat to write it.

I actually had a dream about two weeks ago where I was reading a novel. A FULL NOVEL I was really enjoying. I woke up, realized it was a great read, tried to remember what I… well I guess what I read AND wrote in my mind, but it was gone. Just like that. *Poof*

Just. Nothing.

I finally decided – after weeks of sitting in front of the computer, looking at a blank word document, banging my head on the table, and then opening up Facebook just to distract myself – “screw it, I’m just going to free write”. Strangely – this has helped a little, albeit it makes me nervous.

Take my Zombie erotica submission. I have literally NO idea what’s going to happen next. I just sat and decided to write what comes to mind, and it’s actually been coming along pretty well. I’m about half way through and… for not having any direction whatsoever…. I’m quite proud of what I’ve accomplished.

Now I just need to keep it up. I’ll never really be content with only a paragraph or two a night, but at least it’s something. I’m learning perhaps I need to let my muse wander off, sow her wild oats, and then return when she’s ready. Because it’s what she’s doing anyway. Let’s face it – she does what she damn well pleases.

I’d love to hear about your muses. What struggles do you have with them, and how did you make up and get another story going? Comment below. 

Happy Reading

~Jessica

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